Channeling my mother

*shudder*You know the things you hear your mom say to you & you think..."I will NEVER say that to MY kids!".
Yep, I've been channeling my mother. Lord help me.
Things I've said to my kids in the past 2 weeks alone:

~A little soap & water never killed anybody.
~Am I talking to a brick wall?
~Answer me when I'm talking to you!
~Shut your mouth, I'm speaking!!
~As long as you live under my roof, you'll do as I say.
~Beds are NOT made for jumping on.
~Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
~Close the door! You don't live in a barn.
~Do you think I'm made of money?
~Don't ask me WHY. The answer is NO.
~Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?
~Don't make me come in there!
~Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been.
~How many times do I have to tell you?
~I don't care who started it, YOU stop it!
~Stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about.
~Do you want some cheese with that whine?
~Do you want a medal? Or a chest to pin it on?
~I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!
~I said CLOSE the door, I did not say slam it!
~I didn't ask who put it there, I said PICK IT UP.
~If you can't say something nice, keep your mouth shut!
~Now, say you're sorry...and MEAN it!
~What part of no don't you understand?
~Wipe that look off your face before I do it for you!
~Just wait until your father gets home!!

But one thing I always say to my kids that my mom rarely said to me:

I LOVE YOU!

Top 10

Top 10 things I never imagined having to say to my kids:

10. Please get your frog out of my coffee.

9. We don't stick our toes up our noses. I don't care if you wanted to see how they smell. They'll get stuck there, and then you'll spend your life looking like a pretzel or a yoga instructor.

8. Get that toilet brush out of your mouth NOW!!

7. Don't poke your sister's eyeballs. They don't work the same as slugs' eyes.

6. Don't pee on the cat!

5. Don't lick the wall.

4. Don't eat your sister's boogers.

3. No, you may NOT tie your brother to the cat & throw him in front of the dog.

2. DON'T EAT THAT SLUG!!!!

1. The blue water in the toilet is NOT kool-aid, and please do NOT put it in your sister's cup.

A day in the life of.....

"How's your morning going?"
Ok...not so hard a question...I can answer that one. Lemme see.
Woke up with fruit loops stuck to my eyebrows. Wet, sticky, gummy fruit loops. Oh, no..pardon me...they are fruity hoops. We got generic this week. No clue why they're on my eyebrows, though. But I'm pretty certain that the 2 yr old had something to do with it.
After scraping the gooey, mushy fruity-ness off face, I stumble into the bathroom to find that the baby has painted the walls with the toilet brush. No worries, that's why God invented handywipes & sanitizer.
Off to the kitchen, where there's a brawl in progress. Seems kids 1, 3 & 4 are unsure how many packets of sugar #4 has sprinkled in her oatmeal, but they are fairly sure that it was more than 1 but less than 3. Ooookay. Note to self: Need a math lesson later.
Kid #2 tumbles down the stairs, bright & shiny. Embracing the day with eager optimism. I'm sure that's what he REALLY meant by the grumbles, growls & moans as he walked by.
Haven't seen kid #5 yet. Wonder if she's avoiding the morning chaos. Smart girl.

So by now, it's been exactly 2.4 minutes since I pried open my matted & gummy eyeballs.
I can tell it's going to be a fantastic day!
Or at least a normal one. :)